November 30, 2016
We’re rapidly approaching the worst time workplace incivility. What is that time? I believe it’s the Christmas season – but why? Here are my 5 main reasons:
1) Social activity ramps up during December. There are work Christmas parties to contend with (oftentimes more than one) and difficult people are even more difficult with an increased blood alcohol level. Harassment, gossip, “walking on eggshells” and “making nice” can all place you under such increased strain that the temptation to drink and “make it all go away” is powerful.
What You Can Do: Only attend the Christmas party if you must (or, shock, horror, if you really want to – will it be fun?). Bring a “wing-(wo)man” with you to help buffer the worst behaviour – after all, your sleazy boss can’t do too much damage when there’s a witness present.
Also, make sure to space your drinks with long, cool glasses of water, so you stay in control. Make it known ahead of time you can only stay until “x” time because of your commitment to your babysitter / feeding the dogs (make up something!). Be curious and ask open-ended questions so you can be in listening mode more – being on the receiving end of important or not-so-important information is a more powerful stance than revealing too much about YOU!
2) There’s typically more pressure, deadlines and increased workloads, but also more absenteeism as well because co-workers are escaping “the-morning-after-the-night-before” (and other excuses). Does the extra workload pressure fall on your shoulders?
What You Can Do: Bide your time and do your best with the workload – after all, there’s only so much you can do and this time won’t last forever. Keep your wits about you and record all instances of unreasonable behaviour, to keep in your private evidence file, away from prying eyes. That way, it’s ready when you need it!
3) There’s usually increased pressure on the home front, since both family and friends expect a lot from us this season. With presents to buy and an ever-dwindling bank account, the financial pressure can take its toll, giving us less resources to deal with hostility at work.
What You Can Do: Take back control of your budget and give more creative, meaningful and personal gifts that don’t cost the world. Shopping online saves you time and battling the holiday shoppers for bargains and parking spaces. Take a day out where you make your own gifts – like cooking delicious treats or making craft items – it’s meditative and will put you in the “be-in-the-present-moment” zone.
4) The roads are more congested with traffic, so everyone’s temper is frayed before they even come into work, making it a more “snappy” environment than usual. This is also the time when negative emotions are heightened and old wounds are triggered by feuding families, isolation, impatience and childhood trauma.
What You Can Do: Make sure to start the day with an activity that puts you in a calm, balanced mind – like vigorous exercise, meditation or cuddling your pet. Each time you encounter someone who’s emotionally off-balance, cast your mind back to your morning ritual so you can take perspective and connect with your inner-smile. Use others’ bad moods to be grateful for what you do have and show them kindness to diffuse negativity.
5) I’ve left the worst ’til last – can you guess what it is? I believe that it’s because when you finally get that time off, the thought of going back to work in January and facing the same hostile workplace can really erode your temporary respite with feelings of anticipatory stress and worry.
But I want you to know that I’ve got your back – when you sign up to my list, you’ll discover that you’re not alone in going through this ordeal. I’m on your side now and I’ll be walking you through this process, step-by-step, with information, advice and resources you can implement right away to help you work towards a better outcome.
To get started, download my free guide by clicking here: “7 Red Flags Your Work Stress Isn’t Your Fault: You May Just Be Working For A Closet Narcissist“
As a Work Stress Strategist, Author and Doctor of Psychology, I've had over 20 years' experience helping clients recover from stress, anxiety and depression as a result of relationships with toxic people at work (e.g. your bad boss) and at home (e.g. an emotionally abusive partner). I’m especially interested in helping professional women, who, in mid-career, find themselves working in a toxic work environment with a bad boss but fear to leave because there seems no other way to pay the bills. My clients long for a transition into a free spirited life and I help them find their voice, their confidence and their ambition to succeed so as to put them firmly back in the driver's seat of their own lives so they call the shots. I also help my clients develop their imagination, intuition and spirituality - because often that's what it takes to get out of a stuck place. I've written two books: "Stressed, Depressed And Dreading Mondays What Smart Career Professionals Can Do To Claim Their Life Back” and contributed a chapter to the edited book by Anton Hout: “What Every Target Of Workplace Bullying Needs To Know.” I've appeared on Channel 10, 6PR, 92.9FM, Huffpost Live and WA Today and had articles published in PsychCentral, Women's Agenda, NineMSN Health, Rebelle Society and Witch magazines. I'm currently a regular Huffington Post contributor (under my pen name).